Dream a Little Dream. . . .
Posted on August 28, 2012 at 8:20 pm
Don't you hate it when you have nothing to say? Is it worse sometimes that you have something to say but just can't? Do you have these weird dreams of you and Sonic the Hedgehog playing tennis against a large pound cake? And the pound cake is winning? What do you dream about? What weird stuff is going around in that head of yours? Who knows. .no one knows. . .. some say it's our subconscious mind acting out what we really want. Because we never get what we really want in our daily lives,do we? The good guy never gets the girl, the loveable loser never ends up dating Scarlet Johanson. You never tell your boss that you've been living in his backyard existing on nothing but morning dew and grasshoppers.We just don't. . . but in our dreams. . .
I took some dreams I've had, combined them with some dreams I know others have had and added a bit of a little plot, because you know how dreams can be right? One moment you're in the bathroom, then next you're urinating on a plant in the corner of your bedroom and well, as any writer knows, that doesn't make any sense. . unless you want it to.
My Cowboy Dream
My name is Agustus Feldman and I'm running from the law and running for President at the same time. . . .for you see, I kilt the poor sap I was running for. Even worse. . . that man is the President. . . . and for some reason that hasn't been made clear to me is. . . .Bill Gates. He's holding a fruit basket and offers me a peach with a $100 taped to it.
"No thanks, " I quickly shake my head, "I just had a plum"
Love Scene Part One
Zenith and Mandy are in the big car. The radio is on just a bit. "Paradise By the Dashboard Lights" is playing quietly. What? It's not?? And you were there? Look, it's just a dream . Anyway, Zenith looks Mandy deep in the eyes, and gently takes his hands and caresses her soft face.
"Your skin is so smooth my dear." He tells her
"Yes, I know. . . it covers my whole body."
"Well, that's a good thing." And then Zenith looks at the faux leather of the seat and wonder's quietly to himself, "Didn't she bring me some stuffed breads.?"
There's this guy, see. .. .and he's just sitting there, see. . .waxing his newest toy. . smug silver-haired guy, see? Someone should make his disappear. And then suddenly there's a huge lightening bolt and the waxing car man is now gone, the car however looks better than ever. Zenith looks up at the sky. He hears a booming voice, and witnesses the clouds part. A huge robed cuffed hand points down to Zenith and speaks the majestic words of Eternity.
"Ok, he's gone now. . .that's your one. . . . ." Zenith looked up, not sure if that was God, but he decided it was and then realized something. . that God answers one prayer for every person. . .just one. And that was. . .the one. It was now up to Zenith and then suddenly a giant chocolate shake came down from the skies. Zenith wonders if he prayed for this too.
Love Scene Part Two
Mandy and Zenith rented a shag rug. It appears that in this particular dream,in this particular world, in this particular timeline, there are stores where one can rent a 10 by 10 shag rug, any color. Zenith picks lime green because he loves Key Lime Pie and Mandy bakes the best he's ever eaten. But why the shag rug? Mandy smiled her crooked smile, the one Zenith loves so much and she motioned him to sit on the shag rug. They sit on the shag run and all of a sudden is a large plate filled with Baba Ganoosh. She knows Zenith is not a fan of eggplant, yet, she spoon feeds it to Zenith. Zenith can only taste pine nuts and he smells eggnog and it's not even Christmas. He liked pine nuts, eggnog and Christmas. They kiss. Now for the children in the audience I will say only this: That night Mandy and Zenith cuddled all night long until the windows rattled. Suddenly, there's a fire outside the wood cabin. The one they got for free when they rented the shag rug. Mandy thought that that was a pretty good deal, she had a coupon for 10% off the rug.
The "Nothing Makes Any Sense Dream, or Does it, dream?"
I'm being followed by this giant hot air ballon. I'm in the side car of an old Triumph Motorcycle owned by this beared guy named Phil. We came up from Scranton on our way to Vermont, I had on my father's old army jacket. I couldn't feel my hands. Phil then looks at me and points upwards.
"That balloon, sure is fast. I can't outrun it." Phil says. I look up. There's my love. . .she is waving to me.
"Use your fatman gun and shoot me up to the balloon, the woman I love is in that balloon and they need the ballast." I advise Phil. He then pulls over and takes this gun out of his backpack. I slide in and he points at the hot air balloon.
"This might sting a bit!" Says Phil. I look over and smile. I smile at how long it took to get here. All I had felt was pain. From the sidecar I was in. . I mean. . what else would I be talking about? But I point up to the balloon and look back at Phil and I tell him to I don't care about the pain.
"Any a pain is worth it, just don't overshoot, cause, I might die. I think." I fly up through the air, past the other stupid looking hot air balloons, past Snoopy and Woodstock in their Metlife Blimp and land in my loves arms. Suddenly we are surrounded by silver haired baboons on motorcycles who are throwing fresh produce at us. An apple hits me in the face.
And I wake up and that is end of Part One