The Reality of TV

 Television has sure become a vast wasteland, hasn't it?  Thousands of channels, thousands of strange networks catering to almost every niche that is out there.And to fill all this programming, on an almost 24 hour basis you need shows, shows that will catch our interest and hopefully shows that will entertain as well. As we all know, the biggest money makers are the dreaded Reality Shows. I'm not here to debate the actual "reality" of these shows or even to talk about how the people who populate these shows are quasi celebrities( in their own minds of course). Now, I am here because I want a piece of the reality pie. I don't want to be on them of course, no, I want to create them. And I think that's the best part really. I mean there are shows out there  now that just boggle the imagination. So I've decided to throw my hat into the proverbial ring with a few ideas for my own shows. So sit back and enjoy.

America's Next Great Sandwich--Emeril Lagasse hosts this one as 6 self proclaimed 'sandwich artists'  compete to invent and then market their new creations. The challanges will be what sets apart the men from the. . um, lesser men. Creat a sandwich using only bread, cheese and packing peanuts. Or stun the world with a sandwich made out of nothing but lost dreams and hopes. Be the next Bob Reuben(the man I assumed invented the Reuben)

Crap Masters America-I'm actually amazed this one hasn't been made. Here, we follow the confrontational antics of The Crap Brother's Spetic Warriors. This father son team deal with the stuff no one else want to. Each week we'll see them rolling in the deep as they unclog stuffed drains, all the while fighting each other over the smallest problems. And in the end, learn why crap pays.

America's Biggest Midget--This show, hosted by Danny Devito and an angry, loner midget called Angry Andy, will put  ten small people in humiliating but funny situations as they attempt to muddle their way through such challanges as Reaching The Top Shelf to Get the Much Needed Insulin, or Pole Volting over a Golden Retriever.

Who Wants To Be an Adult Movie Star--this show, which will feature no actual nudity or sexual situations pits 4 gals and 4 guys as they attempt to win challanges such as Balancing Your Check Book, Hiding Your Scars or tatoos for a job interview and Seduce a Mormon. The show will be hosted by Ron Jeremy and Jenna Jamison. . this one could be on one of the lesser pay networks like Cinemax

Dead To Rights--this is one I'm really excited about. Watch the Slab family attempt to deal with each other and a room full of dead bodies in this slice of life show that follows the antics of Mom's Mortuary and Holiday Gift Shop, as they fight, love and embalm strangers and make fun of the dearly departed.

Who Wants To Be a Dictator of a Small Third World Country-this political reality show gathers up the top twenty losers of the last 4 years campaigns and sets them lose on a unsuspecting island nation. Each presidential loser will compete in such challanges as To Tell The Truth, How to Live on $21,000 a year and Who has the best Ex-Wife( or mistress)  the winner of this contest will then be installed as the newest leader on this small island where Fox news is the only form of media allowed. This show will air every 4 years

Now, these are just ideas( copyrighted ideas, so keep your grubby hands off)but I someday hope to see these shows come to pass. But I need to be smart, I need to really get things in gear because the networks are hard at work, developing shows that feature has been celebrities who need work and because there is no Hollywood Squares or Loveboat that these people can end their careers on. But just in case, Lindsay Lohan the center square awaits.